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Cold War In Marriage – How Do Couples Cope With It?
For the benefit of those who may be totally unfamiliar with the subject, I first want to explain the meaning of the Cold War and its origin, and then I will make the connection with marriage.
The Cold War is a state of political hostility between countries and is characterized by sweet-talking, boasting, and other measures outside of open warfare. It is also said to be the state of unfriendship that existed between the Soviet Union and the Western powers led by the United States from 1945 to 1991, the period between the end of World War II and the collapse of The soviet union. History has it that the United States (US) and the Union of the Soviet Socialist Republic (USSR) were allies during World War II. This means that these two nations were partners.
But due to their different ways of thinking and method of governing, they did not believe in each other and a strained relationship ensued in their attempt to show that each other’s ideology was best. Some historians believe that the hostility between these two countries ended with the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 while some have another date for the end.
Now, for these two countries, the United States and the USSR, to have been allies means that they had in a way an understanding and a common gold that was to defeat the German and his allies in the war. With the gold obtained, they began to see flaws in each other’s methods of operation.
Does the above narration resemble events that occur in marital relationships? Yes! Now let’s try to define the cold war in marriage. It is an opposition or a rivalry between couples that is not expressed openly.
Think of a situation where you marry someone with the goal of building a happy home together. Then a misunderstanding ensues somewhere along the line in the relationship and there is a strong argument between you about who is right and who is wrong. Neither of you accepts blame because you both think you’re right. So everyone keeps harboring the feelings of false or misguided accusation and rejection and decides to handle things the way they think they should.
Imagine that in the meantime you say things that really hurt your spouse and he swears never to forgive. So many times these misunderstandings or arguments cause many couples to keep their distance. Some will not talk to each other for very long but will always stay together in the same house. The period of time between these fights and when the two of you are deliberating who will make the first move to apologize is also called cold war.
Marriage was for mature, responsible adults and it is very pathetic to see couples allowing minor domestic or social challenges to grow to the point of closing in on each other. It is absolute wickedness, utter immaturity, and a sure sign of irresponsibility for couples to harbor feelings of abuse for a long time without exposing it to settlement. Someone has to start the peace movement.
Would you like a situation where your wife, for example, after preparing your meal, walks past you and throws the meal on the dining table without a word to let you know that your meal is ready? How would you feel if your husband told you that everything is fine even if he doesn’t give you the attention you need? Why should a woman refuse her husband’s sexual advances on the pretext that she is ill simply because there is supposed mistreatment by the man, which she has not expressed? Why should you extend the time for accepting an apology just in the name of trying to teach your spouse a lesson?
Let me tell you the story of a couple who didn’t want to talk to each other because of an unresolved misunderstanding but resorted to writing as a means of communication. So one day, the husband wrote to his wife that she had to wake him up in the morning the next morning because he had a very important appointment to keep. The next morning at 6 a.m., the wife left a note on the husband’s bed with this writing “wake up, it’s 6 a.m.”. The man did not wake up until 7 a.m. and therefore missed the appointment. When he woke up angrily to confront his wife for not waking him up as instructed, the woman told him to go check the note she had dropped on his bed.
It was the end of their cold war, but they had missed an appointment that had changed their lives.
You shouldn’t wait to witness the dilemma of the Cold War in your relationship, because you may not be able to pick up the debris of its destruction. Have respect for each other and handle each difference with maturity. Tell your partner when you are offended and accept apologies as soon as they are presented and move on.
The sooner you settle your differences and end this cold war, the safer and sweeter your marriage will be and now is the time to do it.
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