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How to Stop Their Child From Crying in 30 Seconds Or Less
Have you ever been to a restaurant and your child wanted what your other child had? Your other child didn’t want to share, and all of a sudden your 2-year-old started screaming? No matter what you tried, he or she wouldn’t calm down. What if you were working on something important, and all of a sudden your child started screaming? The children were fighting over a toy, and one of them was screaming at the top of his voice. If you have ever felt this, I am here to tell you that I have found the solution to your problem.
As a mother of 3, I’ve felt this many times and always wished I could find a solution to calm the child down in 30 seconds or less. That way everyone can move on, and I don’t need to be stressed out, and they don’t need to be stressed out or crying either.
My first question to all parents is why do children cry? There are several reasons why a child cries. I will briefly list some of these reasons: hunger, fear, someone has hurt them, they want something, or they are just trying to get attention. Have you ever been in a situation where you have a 2-7 year old child and something happens, and he starts crying so hard? Crying uncontrollably? It’s like someone tried to kidnap them, but nothing happened to them. For the child, it is as if his world was collapsing. Yet most parents believe that ignoring the problem is the solution, but it is not. I said what some doctors have to say about it, after extensive research on child crying.”
“A study showed that infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD in childhood, as well as poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded that these findings may be due to parents’ lack of receptive attitude towards their babies.” (Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.)
“Dr. Brazy of Duke and Ludington-Hoe University and his colleagues at Case Western University have shown in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates blood pressure hormones, stress, prevent blood flow from the brain, and decrease oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should respond to cries quickly, consistently, and completely.” (J Pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 ( 3): 457-61. Duke University. Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar;21(2): 29-36)
Due to all these factors and many more, I decided to find a solution to the problem that many parents are facing.
What is the new technique? Well, reading lots of books in this field, studying child psychology, and attending lots of seminars still doesn’t prepare you for what real life has in store for you. One day, to my amazement, I thought to myself that I had to find a way to calm these children quickly and effectively. For I am a stay at home homeschooler and work from home. I couldn’t make them cry all day, if I taught others, or started cleaning. Still, I don’t have time to sit with everyone for 10-15 minutes at a time. That alone took up most of my time. That’s when I tested and tried my new strategy. I thought if it worked for me, it could work on anyone. Are you ready?
Basically, whenever a child starts crying for any reason:
1. You take deep breaths, then bring them closer to you, then do these exercises with them.
2. You show them how to breathe deeply. As they take one, take another, then another. I usually take 4-5 deep breaths with them and then say ok, now we’re going to do it this way.
3. I start blowing faster and faster and laughing as I do it. They love this part the most. They huff and smile and laugh with me. It changes their whole mood and they don’t cry anymore.
4. Once they have calmed down, I sit them on my lap and ask them what happened. At that point their smile and they have to use a normal tone, not a whiny tone to tell me what happened.
5. After they tell me, I help them understand what went wrong and what not to do again to get that type of reaction. They agree, and it’s finally over. I break the pattern they’re in, with a whole new pattern, which helps them calm down.
I have used this technique not only on my children, but also on my neighbors’ children, nieces and nephews. Their ages ranged from 2 to 7 years old. It has worked every time for me. It just takes a little patience, time and practice. You will eventually see that children will apply these techniques to other children they see behaving as they have. My son and daughter sometimes teach me these techniques if I’m sad and crying. It really works for both adults and children. You only need 30 seconds to implement it, and then they’re on their way.
Once you can get your child to learn these new habits, you then teach him that crying and whining doesn’t really help him get what he wants. If they want something they should ask nicely, and if it’s something the parent thinks the child needs they will get it, if not then they should understand that the parent is in the best position to know. The more the parent is able to explain to the child, the better the child understands. Sometimes it takes 10 to 20 repetitions, but eventually it sinks in. This is also when I talk to the other child about how he treated this one. If there are two or three, then once that child is relaxed, I walk by and tell the others, what they did was wrong, and that is not the way to deal with this situation. I then give them an example of how I would handle this situation. This way they are aware that there are many ways to deal with a situation. I want kids to put this in their memory banks in their brains and use it when this or a similar situation arises.
Some more quotes on why crying is not the right thing for a child to do
• “Letting a baby cry evokes physiological responses that increase stress hormones. Crying infants experience an increase in heart rate, body temperature, and blood pressure. These responses are likely to lead to overheating and, with vomiting due to extreme distress, could pose a potential risk of SIDS in vulnerable infants.There may also be longer-term emotional effects.There is compelling evidence that increased levels of stress hormones can lead to permanent changes in the stress responses of the infant’s developing brain.These changes then affect memory, attention, and emotion, and may trigger an elevated stress response throughout life, including a predisposition to later anxiety and depressive disorders. Pinky McKay
Pinky McKay is a mother of five, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), and a certified infant massage instructor.
• English psychotherapist, Sue Gerhardt, author of Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain, “explains that when a baby is upset, the hypothalamus produces cortisol. In normal amounts, cortisol is good, but if a baby is exposed too long or too often to stressful situations (like being left to cry), his brain is flooded with cortisol and he will then produce either too much cortisol or less cortisol each time the child is exposed to stress. Too much cortisol is linked to depression and fear; too little to emotional detachment and aggression.”
At this point, I’d like to go into a summary of how it all works:
• First, take a deep breath yourself.
• Then bring the crying child and teach him to breathe deeply, tell him to follow you. Take about 4-5 deep breaths.
• Third, have them blow back to back for another 10 seconds. At this time, the child should laugh out loud with you.
• Fourth, you have now broken their pattern of crying to be happy.
• Ask what happened and help them understand.
It’s vital to breaking the pattern. Once the pattern is broken with something better taking its place, it won’t be long before you notice that they are crying less and less. As they get older they will realize that crying should be left for something really painful and not every couple of minutes. As parents and educators, we need to teach them to learn that there are different styles and ways of doing things. We need them to be able to help them calm down and form that habit as they get older. To be confident and handle any situation that comes their way with a different approach. This approach will reduce their stress and boost their confidence. The less they cry and the more they are loved, the more stability these children will have with their own emotions.
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