Can 17 Year Olds Watch Rated R latest 2023

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Why Am I So Damn Angry?

Anger? Most of us get angry from time to time, but some of us have trouble keeping our anger under control. He may rear his ugly head far too many times than is considered acceptable – not only by others, but also by our own standards.

I don’t consider myself an angry person and yet lately I’ve noticed my fuse getting shorter and shorter. What really started to worry me was my reaction to my 6 year old daughter at night.

For some reason, instead of being the loving, caring, nurturing mother I’m proud to be, at night I become some kind of devil and my fuse isn’t short, it’s completely non-existent.

The other night my daughter had a nightmare. Having already been up twice at 12:30 and 1:00 a.m., it was now 2:00 a.m. and to be honest, I wasn’t buying the nightmare excuse.

I guess the crying and screaming “mom” should have confirmed said nightmare, but for some reason I didn’t feel empathetic.

At first I tried to calm her down by cuddling her and covering her up, but all hell broke loose when I started going back to bed. She started screaming and crying that she couldn’t close her eyes because her dream kept coming back.

As my 17 year old stepson slept downstairs I tried my best to stop my daughter from waking him up as he had an HSC exam the next day. No justification was settling my daughter now and I was officially “losing her”!

Every time I tried to leave her room, the screams got louder and more desperate… Now from me not from her. I never hit my daughter and yet I felt so close to her, it scared me.

In the morning, I felt incredible remorse for the way I had reacted and vowed to be more patient and understanding should it happen again.

But why am I so angry?

A number of my clients have told me that anger is one of the big problems in their relationships. Sometimes the anger is directed at the relationship and sometimes the anger is directed outward.

Interestingly, both seem to have the same negative effect.

Anger is a primitive emotion, useful for warding off enemies. He also has the ability to manipulate and denigrate those who are not “angry” and is often interpreted as power.

Studies have even shown that anger can add to perceived social status by feigning importance.

It’s no wonder so many of us think the only way to be heard is to get angry. We are wired to accept anger as more powerful, knowledgeable, and superior and we are more likely to give in to someone who is angry at us.

Underlying feelings of frustration, upset, hurt, worry, embarrassment, or fear can be the cause of this anger, and anger is how these feelings are expressed.

The problem with anger is that it is unable to solve a problem without causing residual negative feelings to arise.

Anger arises when we feel that something has been “done” to us. It is an emotion that usually has an external component. Even when we are angry with ourselves, the anger begins after something has happened to “make” us angry.

The real problem with anger is that if not handled properly, it can have far-reaching negative effects on personal and professional relationships.

People with anger management issues are more likely to struggle verbally or physically, suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety or depression, and alcohol or substance abuse issues.

The weird thing about anger is that not everyone shows it the same way.

Some people express it aggressively. Yelling, yelling, destroying property, intimidating, threatening, showing off, ignoring the needs of others, and committing acts of violence are all examples.

On the other hand, anger can be expressed passively. Being evasive, giving the “cold shoulder,” using psychological manipulation, being secretive, withdrawn, or blaming yourself are all forms of this type of anger.

It might not be the stereotypical “cinema” kind of anger we’re used to seeing in the media, but that doesn’t make it any more acceptable or less dangerous.

In fact, I think sometimes these can be worse as they often last much longer than the violent aggressive type.

OK, so how should you (and me) deal with anger?

Like anything, different people are going to find different strategies that work for them. The most important thing to do is to notice the warning signs and act immediately so that you don’t end up escalating your anger and spiraling out of control.

If you feel your temperature rising, your face flushed, your palms sweaty, your mouth dry, your muscles tense, or you are unable to hear what is being said correctly, it is likely that you felt the warning signs of anger.

Once you are in a state of anger, you can become irrational, illogical, impulsive, overwhelmed, or out of control. This is when your decision-making processes will be skewed, you will be more likely to participate in risky behaviors and violence, whether passive or aggressive.

Here are some simple tips to help reduce your anger when these warning signs arise:

  1. Inhale deeply and count to 20. Close your eyes if possible, then exhale slowly. Repeat this several times and if there is someone in front of you who still wants to be aggressive, explain to them what you are doing.
  2. Take a ‘time out’. Removing yourself from the situation can immediately quell your anger. Give yourself time to lower your heart rate. It takes at least 20 minutes to do this, so go for a walk, read a book, or watch a movie. Remember to breathe deeply to get your blood flowing properly again.
  3. Try to create a “happy place”. Some people find it helpful to have a place they love already built into their memory to go to when things get tense. It’s best to imagine a place where you feel comfortable, safe and secure, but even a fun place helps. I love snowboarding so it’s always my happy place. Go there in your mind and suddenly the situation in front of you is not as bad as you thought.
  4. Use a script to control your thinking. When you feel your temperature rising, start a positive conversation with yourself. Say something like “This might upset me but I can handle it”, “I’m calm and in control”, or “I have power over my emotions” over and over in your head until you believe it and regain your control.
  5. Communicate differently. Instead of blaming the other person or the situation, try to find the cause of your anger before continuing. If you need a few minutes to do it, so be it. Ask yourself what you feel other than anger? Is it frustration, loneliness or sadness. Next, determine what is the need in you that is unmet? This will give you time to calm down and you can express what makes you angry, rather than just being angry.

Your ongoing anger management can also benefit from some of the following actions:

  1. Try meditation. This age-old practice has been used for centuries to calm the mind and heal the body and it is as relevant today as ever. Our hectic lives leave little time for quiet reflection and we are often so busy ‘doing’ that we forget ‘living’. There are many great programs online for meditation and if you can attend a live class it would definitely benefit.
  2. Write down anything that makes you angry or upset. Some people like to keep a journal to re-read how they feel and others like to pick up the piece of paper and burn it. I keep a journal, but I totally see the benefits of destroying those feelings in writing. My clients who use this technique often report that they immediately felt relief and an ability to let go of what was bothering them. Do both and see what works best for you.
  3. Increase your physical activity or play a contact sport. I have to admit, there’s nothing more satisfying than killing a punching bag, especially when you’re angry. When I was going through a pretty tough time, boxing was my saviour. Twice a week, I vented all my anger and frustration on the bags and mitts. Just getting out and going for a walk, jog, bike ride, horseback riding, surfing, swimming, or whatever else you enjoy will help flood your brain with positive hormones and feel better about yourself. life in general. Plus, you’ll be too tired to be angry. Big bonus there!
  4. Learn to communicate more effectively. Sometimes the reason we get angry is that we don’t feel understood. I know I get incredibly frustrated and very angry with my daughter when I feel ignored. Learning to communicate using non-violent communication has helped us a lot. We talk about our feelings, our needs and our demands towards each other and although sometimes it may seem long, it ends up being more effective in the long run.
  5. Learn to relax. It may seem simple and yet many of us have a complete inability to relax. With smart phones, tablets, laptops, and the internet in our faces, 24/7 power off is becoming a real issue. Find something you enjoy doing, or better yet, try doing nothing at all. I realized about a year ago that I miss dancing, not just any dance but ballet. So I found a class for adults and started again once a week. I love it! It’s my time off from my responsibilities and I’m so busy trying to remember the choreography that I totally forget what’s in store for me when I get home or to the office.

So the next time my daughter wakes up in the middle of the night and I start to lose my temper, I know I have tools in my belt to deal with it. I will take a deep breath and remember that I am a loving and caring mother.

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