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Unrequited Love – Women Who Love Serial Killers and Men on Death Row
In January 2003, a waitress in Germany named Dagmar Polzin saw a photo of a convicted murderer while waiting at a bus stop in Hamburg. The photo was of Bobby Lee Harris, published by an anti-death penalty group. Bobby Lee of North Carolina was on death row for stabbing his boss to death during a robbery. Polzin was deeply influenced by Bobby Lee’s photo and fell in love there.
She later said, “It was something in his eyes; there was this remorse, this sadness. I was drawn in and I knew it was him.” Within a year, Polzin and Harris were engaged, and she moved to North Carolina to live with her family. For many who read these words, this story is amazing; but if you saw the photo that Polzin fell in love with, it would be hard to understand. Harris can be very charming with the qualities of a good husband; but he is not a leader. Currently, there are over a hundred British and German women engaged or married to men on death row in the United States. The desire to love men convicted of murder is not limited to European women alone
The prison romance between Polzin is not an isolated incident. no matter how extreme or appalling the crime the individual is found guilty of, there is always a woman ready to stand by her man. “Till death do us part” wedding vows take on a new and unique meaning when your spouse has a date with the executioner. Yes, it is very difficult for the average person to understand why so many intelligent, well-educated women are attracted to men convicted of murder and sentenced to death or to spend the rest of their lives behind bars.
For example, Scott Peterson was recently convicted and sentenced to death for the murder of his pregnant wife Laci. San Quentin prison officials reported that just hours after Peterson arrived on death row, he received a proposal from a woman who wanted to be the next Mrs. Peterson. And according to the director, his office received more than three dozen phone calls on Peterson’s first day in San Quentin from women pleading for his mailing address.
Several studies have shown that there is no shortage of women who dream of finding a husband on death row and that the most deadly criminals receive the most proposals. Take Richard Ramirez, the star of the night, he murdered at least 14 people, robbed, raped and beat way more than that. During his trial, he declared “salute to Satan” and was considered the embodiment of pure evil. Yet dozens of women flocked to his side after his arrest. And long lines formed outside the prison; letters arrived by filled box. After courting several women behind bars, he married Doreen Lioy, 40, a freelance magazine editor, in 1996.
John Wayne Gacy, for example, this guy, a convicted murderer, a rapist who murdered thirty-three young boys; even he received many love letters from women. And I understand that there is a book published with a collection of letters that women sent to him; basically throw themselves at him in search of a relationship with him. John Wayne had a relationship with a delusional and denial woman who did not believe he had committed the murders for which he was convicted, even though he was on death row about to be executed.
Carol Ann Boone moved from Washington State to Florida to be closer to Ted Bundy, who was convicted of murdering more than thirty women across the country. Boone and Bundy married in 1980 and had one child. However, when she became convinced that Bundy was guilty of her crimes, she moved in with their child.
These are just a few cases where women go to extreme lengths to love men, convicted of murder, on death row. Expert, in the field, say that many of these women do not believe that these serial killers are capable of committing the crimes of which they are convicted. An expert like Shelia Isenberg says these women are in denial.
Shelia Isenberg the author of, Women who love men who kill, did an in-depth psychological analysis of women who are attracted to men who have committed acts of violence. During her research, Isenberg interviewed many women themselves, as well as psychologists, social workers, and prison authorities.
From Isenberg’s research, it’s clear that these women aren’t all social outcasts, uneducated ghetto residents, or tramps. These women are teachers, nurses, social workers, waitresses, office workers and housewives. Isenberg said many women have themselves been victims of abuse and violence. And there are those who know exactly what type of relationship they are getting into; but their capacity for denial and the irresistible desire for a safe, idealized and romantic love fantasy overshadows their better judgment.
Isenberg went on to say this; “This phenomenon involves a complicated series of reasons. The first reason is that if you are in a relationship with a man behind bars for life or a man on death row, then you have a lot of control over the relationship. You can decide when to make the visit, when to accept the phone call, or if you will accept the call, and you are this man’s primary link to the outside world. So as you can clearly see, this is a very powerful position in which to be.
In addition to power and control, women in relationships with men behind bars receive almost absolute attention from the inmate; with little or no distraction or serious competition. Men in prison have hours of free time to study the women they are involved with. These men study the vulnerability and personality traits of women and use this knowledge to manipulate women into meeting their immediate needs and desires. After all, serial killers and murderers were predators in the real world. Why would anyone think he would change in prison?
Isenberg points this out; “When you have a man with notoriety, like a serial killer, like Ted Bundy, or Richard Ramirez, or the Melendez brothers, or somebody like Scott Peterson, there’s a different element. Then women are also lured by notoriety and fame, and these are her 15 minutes of fame.”
Final Thoughts; the psychopath
There are many theories and speculations as to why some women gravitate to men convicted of murder. Some experts say these women are mentally retarded. Why would a rational woman find anything attractive in someone who wants to rape and murder you.
A more pathological scenario is that women who love men who kill are women who have a history of abuse and become involved in this type of relationship; is it a way to undo and rewrite the past. This time, however, she’s in control and he’s behind bars with no way to hurt her. What is certain however, the psychological motivations of these women are as varied as the women themselves.
The psychological makeup and personality traits of serial killers and murderers, on the other hand, are no mystery; they are seasoned psychopaths. The psychopath is eternal and lives in a world of his own.
Even Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, had little to say about the psychopath. He chose the psychopath as an exception to the average criminals. Freud said: “Among adult criminals we must undoubtedly accept those who commit crimes without any sense of guilt, who either have developed no moral inhibitions, or who, in their conflict with society, regard themselves as justified in their actions as psychopathic.”
The psycho-dynamics of the psychopath are defined in this way; lack of remorse or shame, poor judgment and inability to learn from experience, self-centeredness and inability to love, poor emotional response and loss of insight
Women researching serial killers, murders, rapists, and social outcasts must first consider the personality of the psychopath. The psychopath is a rebel; his rebellion is designed to achieve goals satisfactory to him alone; he is incapable of vigorous effort of any kind for the good of others. All his efforts, whatever form they take, are investments in satisfying his immediate wishes and desires.
Women looking for an intimate relationship and marriage with a psychopath behind prison walls should be aware that when he says “I’m doing it”, he means I’m doing it for myself; everything i do is to meet my immediate needs and desires.
Women should never forget; there is no prince among serial killers and murderers… only frogs.
http://www.sheilaisenberg.com
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