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Training Wheels and Training Dad – How Our Four-Year-Old Taught Me to Let Go

I expected our son to fail, at least the first time. It’s in the script, right? Like a sparrow spreading its wings for the first time, there is a protocol to these things and I for one knew my role. So on May 1 of this year, as pink cherry blossoms fell on the path in front of our Vancouver condominium, I invited our four-year-old son Jonah onto the stage and prepared for the seven-step process, how i read it anyway –

1) Expect to be scared. Riding a bike without training wheels is a leap forward in a child’s development. It can give goosebumps, so be gentle, be patient, remember your first time. Give the “If I can do it, you can too” pep talk while removing the extra wheels from the bike.

2) Take the bike, bandages and child outside to a flat road, park or schoolyard. All the while, continue the parental sound bites and back pats. More than anything, your child needs encouragement and reassurance.

3) Place your child on the saddle of the bike. While gripping the back of the seat, invite him to position his feet on the pedals and balance himself. Take a deep breath, center yourself, use positive visualization (you do these things; it’s a big step for you too).

4) Start your engines! Hold onto the saddle and run alongside your child as they pedal until –

a) Your child is ready to fly alone.

b) You’re running out of gas because of your penchant for whipped cream lattes.

5) Save your child. Assuming you don’t fall into profile 4b), run towards your daredevil who is probably moaning in a jumble of wheels, limbs and tears.

6) Console, nurse, tell your child about the Wright brothers’ first attempts at flight. Either way, get him back on the bike. Coax the words “I can do it” from their quivering lips.

7) Repeat steps 3-6 as needed, until self-confidence overcomes your child’s wonky world and their newfound freedom propels them over the horizon, never to return (in fact, it’s is on the road when you first hand the car keys to him).

8) Skip steps 1-7 if your child says they don’t need your help.

Wow. Where does number 8 come from? I wish I had read it, because when Jonah said – scram daddy, I can handle it (in so many words), I felt like the one being pushed out of the nest.

Jonas would have none of this Seven habits of high-performance two-wheelers. In fact, from the start, he was determined to pedal through this new stage of life on his own terms.

“Don’t be scared,” I said, patting her ladybug helmet. “It’s okay. You can fall, but-“

“I’m not scared dad. I’m ready,” he said, as the wrench slipped from the lug nut and nicked the pad of my thumb. I stuck the bloody mess in my mouth and laughed at Jonah’s vanity. We’ll see, I thought, imagining myself at the age five nothing less, sprawled on the sidewalk, tangled up in my bike, scooping up gravel in the palms of my hands.

Well, the Wright Brothers speech was put away for another day, because it was A’s for Jonah. After a year and a half of spinning its training wheels along the seawall alongside False Creek, it was ready.

I wish I could say the same about his father. Before I had even focused on my deep breathing and positive visualizations, Jonah climbed into the saddle, sure of himself as the wind blew in from English Bay.

“Wait a minute Champ” I said grabbing the seat. “Things are going to be a little fragile. Let’s be balanced -“

“Coward Daddy”

“Jonas, it’s not as simple as -“

“Let’s go!”

So I gave up. But I kept my expectations. I fully anticipated step 5. I grabbed the bandages when I should have grabbed the video camera.

Jonah pressed the top pedal like James Dean hitting the accelerator Rebel without a cause. He left. Here there was no chip on the inept block. Sure, he was crying, he was wobbling, but unlike his old man, he wasn’t falling. He had neither fear nor sweat, but a lot of pride. He orchestrated a smooth turn through a bunch of flowers and pedaled towards me with a grin as wide as his handlebars. It was then that I realized that I still had a role to play.

I raised my arms and clenched my fists.

“Great job Jonah!” I said, “You did it – and all by yourself.”

Jonas beamed. He couldn’t stop laughing. He bounced back in his saddle like a jockey riding Sea Biscuit down the home stretch. After the required victory laps along the way (me trailing behind, announcing to all passers-by, “He’s my son – first try”), I invited Jonah inside to celebrate.

“Cake!” he said.

“Sounds awesome,” I said.

“With whipped cream.”

“Sure, why not,” I laughed, packing the training wheels into a Safeway bag. It will be a while, if ever, until the next little cyclist in training needs my help. But I’ll be ready this time – ready for anything.

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